~ P O K E R A R T I C L E S ~
The Toughest Home Game I've Ever Played
Is there some sort of gene that's responsible for decent poker skills? Some sort of genetic trait that gives me the ability to dump garbage hands and not call when I know I don't have the odds to draw to a gutshot? Because if there is, I think it must skip a generation like baldness tends to. I just hope I haven't inherited that genetic gift from my wonderful, shiny grandfather.
As far as the poker skills are concerned though, I would definitely consider myself somewhat of an above average player, whether by nature, nurture, or a combination of the two. So when I sat down with my mom, dad, and sister during a rainy weekend home from college and proceeded to shuffle up and deal in a friendly little Hold'em tournament, I thought for sure I would rock the kitchen table like Jon Bon Jovi rocks the state of New Jersey. After all, I had watched the World Series of Poker on ESPN (warning: if gone undetected, the use of sarcasm in this sentence may cause delusional thoughts, such as believing that watching poker on television will make you a better poker player, or that Ace-King never loses. Trust the analysis of Norman Chad at your own risk). Man was I in for a night of family fun!
My mom was on my left, my dad to my right, and my sister was sitting across from me hogging the bag of Twizzlers. I go ahead and deal out the first hand, finding myself with a King and his lady friend of clubs. After repeatedly asking me to clarify what her options are, my mom limps in, and I decide to test the waters with a 3xBB raise. Then after explaining to my dad what all of his options are, he says "sure, why not" and calls, followed by the ladies, who complete. "Great," I think to myself, as I lay down a raggedy flop that doesn't offer me so much as a backdoor flush draw. I talk the ‘rents through the options once more and take a stab at the pot when it's checked around to me. "Call." "Call." "Yeah, okay, I'll call too." My eyes widen a bit as the little man in my brain yells out at them. "No! No calls! We're representing an overpair!" You're supposed to get rid of those mid and bottom pairs!" I got no help on the turn or river and end up checking down and losing to my dad's two-pair, 10's and 3's.
Player Notes Entry # 572: Player: Dad, a.k.a. "The Captain", Notes: loose/passive, will call 3xBB raise cold with 10-3 suited. Thoroughly enjoys Seinfeld reruns on UPN.
The craziness ensued and I felt my blood pressure rising as my stacks of chips began to dwindle down. I was the only one at the table folding preflop and the hands I did play were missing horribly. Meanwhile "The Captain" was hitting boats with seemingly any two cards. Nines full of 3's. Deuces full of Jacks. Sevens full of 4's. Any full house combination, you name it, and he could fish it out of that deck. Eventually I started playing like the rest of my family, just hoping to hit some sort of miracle flop. Trying to get a read on any of them was pointless. They would never raise preflop at all, and very rarely in other betting rounds. A call could mean anything from "I have Jack high with no draws" to "I have a straight flush but I forget whether or not that beats a pair of aces." Luckily for my sanity, and perhaps the only luck I had that night, my parents decided to call it a night before I could lose all of my chips, at which point I probably would have run upstairs, slammed my bedroom door, and wept uncontrollably like it was still 1987 and my ice cream had just fallen off the stick.
However, even though I lost horribly to the rest of my family, my parents still taught me a very valuable lesson that night... and this time it had nothing to do with getting gum out of your hair or what happens when a man loves a woman. They taught me that poker, like any game, is a game of rules. This much I already knew. However, the rules of poker vary greatly depending on who is playing, and I'm not just talking about burning cards and tipping the dealer. I'm talking about the unspoken rules and nonverbal norms; raising with premium pairs preflop to isolate opponents, betting the pot to scare away flush or open-ended straight draws, and tossing those weak hands the second you lay eyes on them. Just your basic by-the-book poker playing. Of course you want players at your table that haven't read Super System and are just there to gamble, since they'll pay you off in the long run. But what happens when you sit down at a table that's nothing but maniacs, fish, and calling stations? All of a sudden you find yourself loosing to pocket rockets because you forget that this certain someone never raises preflop and underplays strong hands. Or two maniacs start going at it with absolutely nothing and force you to drop your top pair that eventually would've won the pot. Combined with cold cards, bad beats, and the uncanny luck of people like my dad, the basic rules of poker go flying out the window. The standard rules of poker no longer apply, the structure of the game collapses, and the poker anarchists plant flags around the table with sayings such as "ALL-IN EVERY HAND!!!" and "2-7o RULEZ LOL!!!11." All you want to do is restore order, have your raises respected, and eat a few Twizzlers while you're raking in chips.
No matter what limits you play, you're bound to come across situations like this sooner or later, especially if you decide you're in the mood for a "fun" family game. But whether you're playing against the friends and family you love or strangers you've just met but already despise, it's important to remember that we all have our own set of rules for playing poker. For some people this set of rules contains only one rule: there are no rules. Whereas other people might as well have starting-hand values and odds charts sprawled out in front of them. To benefit from the entire range of opponents you'll come across you have to adapt to their rules and continue to reinvent your own poker style and mentality, trying to find the best way to play in each situation. Also, you'll have to accept the fact that sometimes the best way to beat a game will just be to get up and leave. Surely this isn't the most enjoyable thing to do, but I guarantee it'll be more fun than repeatedly telling your family members that, "yes, that is a flush you have and it does indeed beat the set I flopped. Well played again!"
Best of luck at the tables.
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